


You're slipping away and I don't know what to do

by Vault_Emblem



Series: FE3H LGBT Week [2]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Loss, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Golden Deer Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), at least regarding felix and sylvain ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 04:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20829467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem
Summary: At the end of the war, both Sylvain and Felix find themselves broken beyond repair.(Written for FE3H LGBT Week | Prompt: Alone)





	You're slipping away and I don't know what to do

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, sometimes I write pure angst too
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr [@bi-naesala](https://bi-naesala.tumblr.com) and on twitter [@vault_emblem](https://twitter.com/vault_emblem)

Claude has managed to unify Fódlan. After so many sacrifices, the war has reached its end.

They should be celebrating, and yet victory feels empty.

So many people lost…

When Sylvain opens the door to his dorm – and to think that soon he won’t be sleeping in here anymore – he’s not surprised at all to find Felix.

\- So this is where you were -, is all he says, voice tired as much as he feels.

“You look like shit”, he wants to add but he holds his tongue. He has no idea whether Felix would lash out on him for that insinuation, so he stays silent.

He must’ve been crying – Sylvain can still spot the wet stains of tears on his cheeks – and he feels like someone hit him right in the guts at that view: this isn’t like Felix at all.

It truly says something about Felix’s state that he doesn’t say anything, not a quip, not an insult. Nothing.

His eyes are on Sylvain and yet he doesn’t seem to be looking at him, and it’s scary how familiar this empty gaze is: is the same Dimitri wore after the Flame Emperor’s betrayal.

He wasn’t expecting Felix to run up to him and to feel his arms around him, but he doesn’t say anything about it as he returns the hug, squeezing with the same strength as the other. It hurts but he doesn’t dream to push him away: this is what he needs, what they both need.

Fódlan is united, the war is won, and Sylvain and Felix are crying for what is lost, far from everybody else.

Sylvain should’ve expect that Felix would’ve dropped his title: he never cared about politics, and he assumed Rodrigue would’ve taken care of it until they’ve found a better successor.

\- It’s all bullshit anyway -, he said once, - The system is changing, so why should I keep my title. _It means nothing to me -._

That is the truth, actually: it doesn’t mean nothing to him anymore. The rest is just an excuse for him to finally be free of the shackles of nobility. Sylvain wishes he was this brave, but deep down in his conscience he knows he would never be able to do so: after all that happened he needs to be here to see things through. He has to keep helping.

He knows Felix will slip away, he can sense it, but no matter what he does or say, he doesn’t seem to be able to make him stay.

His best friend is hurting – they both are – and Sylvain can’t do anything about it.

\- I could use your help, you know? -, he says once.

He and Felix have gone drinking – a habit that they are both starting to develop and it’s worrying – and, among other conversations topics, this comes out.

At the glare he gets from Felix, he quickly adds:

\- Hey, I’ll pay you if I have to! You know money isn’t a problem for me… -.

\- Yeah I know. I just… I wasn’t expecting it -, Felix replies, and only now Sylvain realises how heavier his voice sounds, like he’s carrying the weight of the entire world on his shoulders. He’s definitely carrying a lot of guilt.

\- I mean, you are a great fighter, and we still have some problems with Sreng -, Sylvain comments.

He’s never been so relieved when he hears Felix mutter:

\- Ok, I’m in -.

Days go by, and soon the time for Felix to leave comes.

Sylvain swears it was only yesterday that he asked him to come with him, and now it’s over already.

\- So… this is goodbye -.

There’s some sort of finality in Felix’s words, one Sylvain doesn’t want to face.

\- Felix… -, he calls in fact, - Stay, _please_ -.

Felix looks at him and there’s so much _pain_ in his eyes, pain that Sylvain is sure is mirrored in his own gaze.

\- _I can’t_ -, he mutters, shaking his head, - _I can’t_ -.

Their lips crash together, moved by utter desperation.

This is nothing like any other kisses they’ve shared: it’s more violent, more like a hurricane. It takes their breath away.

Sylvain has no idea about how much time passes and they’re still there, holding for dear life at each other, lips locked to the point of bruising.

Maybe… maybe there is hope.

It all comes crumbling down when they part; Sylvain can see it in Felix’s eyes: there is no coming back.

\- Goodbye, Sylvain -, he mutters, his voice so weak, but he still manages to break free from Sylvain’s hold. Thinking about it he should’ve grabbed him harder, make it more difficult for him to slip away.

\- Goodbye, Felix -.

Time passes.

Felix isn’t visible anymore. Who knows how far he’s gotten already.

Sylvain is still where he was before, eyes on the horizon.

He feels… empty. He always assumed that he and Felix would stick together until the end; he never for once took in consideration the idea that it was ever going to change.

He wonders if Felix will shed any tears, but it’s fine: he’s crying enough for the both of them, incontrollable sobs that he can’t hold no matter how hard he tries.

He feels so empty.

He feels so… alone.


End file.
